I am blue.
Blue am I.
My fingers feel blue.
My heart feels blue.
In the sky I see blue.
My kids look blue.
My husband looks blue.
Blue seems to have taken hold.
Blue won't let go.
LORD, free me from this blue.
I am blue.
Blue am I.

I just wanted to say how much I dislike my sister. If she could just go away forever I don't think I would even miss her. I know my mom would she feels this attachment to her because she is her mom. SHe is absolutely nuts, I mean really she should be hospitalized. I know she is mentally ill but my family has this habit of helping people to stay in their weakness. What is it called co-dependency? Something like that. She had a hissy fit at me the other day and told me I was dead to her. Really I didn't know it was so bad. She thinks she has hurt my feelings when actually I am just happy I don't have to talk to her and everyone can blame her for it.
Why do we have such crazy families? Why did Jai and I move back from Edmonton to be close to family when they are all so absolutely nuts? Now I would give a lot to be rid of them. I guess this is another reason to long for heaven. A place with perfect families. What could be more awesome than having God as our father. I know he is now but then we will be able to hear him audibly and feel his arms around us. Amazing!

As I sit here my 8 year old son is trying to write a letter to God, he has a pained expression on his face. It is encouraging me to get writing to God. To process things properly I need to either verbalize them or write them down, so I have decided to write them down. That is what this blog will be about.
So there is this guy at my husbands work, he is relatively cute, rides a motorcycle, tells my husband he likes me. My husband innocently tells me what he says. I feel good about myself but there in lies the problem, it just gets away from me. God I need your help. I need to feel the same excitement for my husband. I want to feel like when we first started dating and we had no kids and no responsibility. Thank You for moving him to a different work place. Help me to have control of my emotions. I never even expected me to feel like this, in the least. I think its the monotony of it all. I have been trying to be honest with my husband about it. The truth is I don't know how I'd feel if I was in his shoes. I think he trusts me too much and doesn't take me serious. I know I would never do anything but thinking about another person is sin in itself no? Yes I know it is. LORD, help me have a passion for my husband. I do love him but sometimes he's more friend than lover. I know You understand this and I can trust You to give me strength. Please renew my marriage! Renew my love for my life, take this man far away! Help me have strength to avoid this temptation. My sons first words are "here I am" (the words of moses at the burning bush). These words I pray.

I love my husband!

We are all sick again. I hate colds! I am hoping this will be the last one of the season! This is a lame entry I know. Its about the most interesting thing happening in my life right now apart from rereading the Harry Potter series. I am on book 5 and am hoping when I read the ending of book 7 that it doesn't put me into a deep depression. I hate when things end.

Purple
Purple tulips
grape bubble yum
purple velvet
purpley goodness
purple soft t-shirts
purple socks
purple hoodies
purpley greatness
purple lavender
purple couches
purple walls
purpley extravagance
purple is my joy de livre.

Okay so my lack of time is getting annoying. Running from here to there and I know with four kids it is only going to get worse. My little guy Noam got a phone call from the school he is going to attend next year. We were thinking he wasn't going to get into the school and I was going to homeschool him. But he did and I cried. I know he needs time away from us and time to make his own friends. Time to listen to someone else for a change. Its just so hard, I never want any of them to go to school. Probably why it was easy to decide to keep the older two home. Anyway so now next year I am going to have to find the time to run him to and from school in the midst of teaching the other two. Hopefully my husband will take him to school and I can pick him up.
So I haven't had time to shop so I am looking online for some sandals, well thongs but I am afraid to use that word because something else might appear. Well I can't find anything except some hideous old lady like things. Last year I had these really cool converse ones but my cat poop on them so I threw them out. STUPID CAT! Did I ever mention I hate our cat? He only lives here because I truly believe pets are for life. Well I am off.....