As I sit here and write this I am shaking. My 5 year old son is in his bed screaming, he has been since about 1 pm this afternoon, it is now 5pm. We were at Walmart and he was being a turkey, we got mad at him so he kicked off his shoes. So we just left the shoes there (or so we told him, they were addidas runners). So for the next 30 minutes he screached while we continued shopping around walmart. Let me tell you I wasn't happy about the people all looking at me as if I was the one screaming. Then he doesn't want to get in the car so of course we say "stay thats your choice." Well again all the people looking at us like we were trying to steal the child or like they were going to pounce on him any second. Now we are getting near to spanking point but we finally put him in the car, (I tell him I will phone the police myself if he doesn't get his seat belt on properly). We drive home with him screaming, he stops once we get home, but I explain he is still going to bed for the rest of the day for acting that way. He cries a bit then goes to sleep for 45 min and is now screaming again. What do you do?
Lord I pray you will help me. Give me the strength, to love him. Right now all I want to do is give him away. Let me be thankful for the times he does listen and all the things you have made him. Let me hear your voice in these times just to guide me.

Well I am Twitterific today. I just signed up for twitter on Saturday, but I really don't get it. I only signed up because I read an article in the paper about it. I keep getting notifications that people are following my tweets, I don't get it. Does anyone really want to know what I am tweeting about. I keep signing up for people and then removing them. Probably bad edicate but I want a few tweets a day not one every five minutes, thats just crazy. Don't you have anything else to do with your day?

Today I am anxiety ridden. It hit me about half way through my day. My husband was being his grumpy self. Just shutting down. How do I deal with that? Is he being grumpy or is it me? How do people do this for 50 years. Don't get me wrong I am relatively happy in my marriage, he is my best friend, but I just get so sick of dealing with him. I get so sick of myself dealing with him. If I wasn't married I wouldn't have to confront my selfishness or my emotional self. So I talked to him and he made some effort to change but what do I need to do? We really need a scheduled date night. Ryley is almost 9 so that is really not far off when we can just go out for coffee anytime. I need to do something by myself too. Just take an hour for myself each week. I should be going on the treadmill. I promised myself I would do it three times a week. I have to do that. Anyway at some points the prospect of being married for so long is just so crazy!!!!
I have to believe God brought us together for a purpose and we need to let Him fulfill that.

Wow its been a month since I was last on. Not too much has happened. Christmas is over that is about all. I felt a bit softer towards Christmas until Christmas Eve then I had had enough. But we will now have four traditions to Christmas. one being going to listen to Handel's Messiah. Two being Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. Three being watching the Sound Of Music as well as The Nativity(probably most important). The fourth is stockings for the kids. Well I also always want to remember to read the Christmas story and they have always gotten pjs christmas morning.
The materialism to Christmas is so hard to avoid.

I am running late on my period. I am a little worried yet hopeful that maybe its my body finally working it all out. My hormones have been so crazy since Kayde was born and you would think after three years everything would be going back to normal. My face although I have some small pimples seems to be clearing up a bit. My boobs weren't leaking this morning which is the first time. SO maybe lets hope.
Lord please help me to trust You. Whatever You are going to give me let me trust You, let me trust Your perfect plan.

Well man I am having a crappy day. I just lost it on my husband. I told him to leave and never come back. Now I really don't think he would do that but who knows. What do you do when you just get to the point in marriage when you feel like life would be so much easier without the other person. I just feel like he is so much work all the time. I am sure I am too but I am too tired to do anything about it. I just don't get how he is okay with not being needed. I don't need him to work and make money, God provides. I could really easily look after the kids all by myself. All I would have to do is use the phone more. I wouldn't have to deal with his mother or sister and that would be so nice. Oh yes he does vaccum, but really I could pick up that once a month job. He does clean out the cat litter but he usually waits until the cat poops or pees in the house to do that. I am sure he fell in love with me because I am so in control and decisive but that has really been his downfall. Each day I take on a new task from him. Then his constant grumpiness. If you feel crappy tell me why. He doesn't tell me because all the things he whines about are so stupid! And what do I say? SUCK IT UP!
SO what do I do? WHy did I fall in love with him? I look back and think what was I thinking? He was such a nice friend, why didn't I leave it at that?
I know God gave him to me. My love came for him came from God, just as his did for me. I need to be better. I cannot change him, I never will. God can change me into more of a servant. I need to be more Christ-like. Help me Lord!