So I check out my blog for the first time in months and all of a sudden I have 1100 people who have checked out my blog? Is this true or is it an error? If you read my blog let me know. Leave me a comment.

Life

Jesus,
What a day I am having. I am so grumpy and Jai is so grumpy. How do I deal with this? I don't know if its the heat or my birth control but I feel like I'm going a bit crazy. There is so much of me that needs to change and so much of Jai. I watched a movie called Faith Like Potatoes. The actor in it said at one point he didn't want to trust God but he did. Thats how I feel, I am just fighting it with my whole being but I need to. My whole relationship with Jai, all our problems I just need to give it to God. Just trust Him. I can hear Him telling me,"trust Me Dawn. Just trust Me. Let Me do it. Let Me have it." It's so hard.
God I trust You. I am giving this to You, I don't want to but I am.
I trust YOu!
I trust You!
I trust You!

Some days I really hate being married. Having this whole other person in control of your future. Jai had a bit of a lapse this morning and tried to lie about it. I caught him right away which I should be thankful for, but again its the lying that throws me for a loop. I should probably be more angry about the actual lapse but it's the lie that gets me. He just doesn't get it. He trusts me %100, so he just doesn't know how it feels. I don't even know why he does it. I almost feel like it's more of an attention thing. Like he's not getting enough so he lapses so he gets some attention. One of his ex girlfriends cheated on him so maybe its even a self preservation thing, I just don't know.
God I know I could make it without him, You would never give me something I couldn't handle. But I just feel like I am waiting for it to happen. Maybe I need to just give him my trust, undeserved as it is. I know I fail you daily and You still trust me and love me. Lord, I trust You and I will do whatever it is You have called me to. Help me to know what to do. Give me Your wisdom! Let me see him for the person that You have created him to be, let me have a glimpse of the love You have for him. Heal us, heal him. Lord, give him Your strength, let him not rely on his strength. Let him question his actions. Be with us, be in us. Lord wrap me in Your loving arms and shield me from this pain. I want to be married to this man for all the days of my life, Lord make that a reality!

Business

Jai and I are trying to start a business. We have had our website up for about 2 weeks now and have had some items on eBay for the same amount. We have sold nothing and have had really no interest. I'm starting to wonder if God is telling us something.
On our website I do a rant. It's totally beyond my comfort zone. On Sunday I posted one, Jai said was my best. Well I have had nothing but negative feedback. Mind you it has had 380 views. But it is so hard for me to take, I just want to quit but Jai says no he likes them.
I feel God is trying to teach me some things about pride. My worth needs to come from Him.
"Whatever you ,do your work heartily as for the Lord and not for men."Col 3:23

Friends!

Man it's been a long while since I've written. Well I only write when I'm feeling passionate about something. Well the other day I said something about my friends anniversary that she took so wrongly. She decided to work with her sister on her ten year anniversary. So on facebook I wished her happy anniversary and have fun with her sister. She got so offended (so did her sister). Obviously I know she is feeling guilty, please don't take that out on me. I should really confront her but I am trying to be what God wants me to be so I apologized. She's not a close friend so no real loss but hey can she get over herself?
LORD help me be more like you. Let me run and not grow weary, let me throw off the sin that so easily entangles me. I love you Jesus!

Okay I think I better proofread before I post. My iPod changes letters and words and I don't even catch it.
So another twilight thought. Again I love my husband I really do but lying in bed looking at him I could not be married to him for eternity. Now some people might think we will be married in heaven I am banking on no but the heavenly me will not be quite so selfish. Jai is hard to live with for 10 years let alone for ever. When will Edward and bella's reality set in? After book 4 I was already getting sick of them both.