I am getting ready to celebrate my husband's 31st birthday. I don't feel like we are that old. Man oh man. I guess its because we have so many kids. That definitely makes me feel my age less, like we have accomplished so much. We have 20 years of parenting under our belts. If you look at my husband you can tell he is aging. He no longer has hair, well on his head anyway, he is getting it in his ears, his nose and on his back. Poor guy. I guess we are all aging. I am sure I will soon be rolling my boobs into my bra. Sad but true.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE OF MY LIFE!

This is my cutie. My little baby Kayde. Well he isn't a baby anymore he is almost 2 1/2. I love him dearly, maybe its because he is my last. This is actually the first time I have had a two year old without another baby in my arms. Maybe that is why he is so advanced compared to the other three. He speaks in full sentences. He knows more word than the other kids I think. The other day he said to my husband,"Daddy I am weird." Jai said,"No you aren't." "Yes daddy I am weird." It was so cute. He really isn't weird though so I don't know where he got that from. He is also already our little evangelist, he tells everyone "Jesus loves you, Jesus loves me, Jesus loves mommy. Jesus loves everyone." He is so precious! He does have his off days though. He is obsessed with our new van, well old new van. We got him a new car seat for it so we don't have to switch the car seats all the time. All he talks about is going in his new car seat and his new van. SO if we try and take him in our old car than he turns into...well I won't say it. You just wouldn't want to be around. But in the end I love him still.

I was just reading Galatians 5 and thinking about the fruits of the spirit. I have now been a christian officially half my life. I should possess most of them. Love? To those in my family yes I am loving. Although at times my husband would disagree. Joy? I struggle with finding joy. Life gets me down. Peace? I worry constantly, I pray for peace constantly. Kindness? I am kind most of the time. Goodness? I think I am good to everyone but my husband. Faithfulness? I am faithful, Gentleness? Again depends on whom you ask. Patience? Ask Jai if I am very patient when he was late yesterday for the hundredth time. Self-control? I can be sometimes.
As I typed that I realized again what marriage does to me. It brings out all my flaws, the very worst in me. Last night I was telling my Jai how upset I was that he had been late yet again. We were arguing and I just felt like I just didn't want to be married anymore like it was too difficult. Then today as he was at work all day I missed him so much. God has so much to do in me. I am like a little kid, I have so much growing to do. Marriage is great for that. Its like a giant piece of sand paper smoothing away all our rough spots.
I am thankful that the Lord gave me Jai. I pray we will get to enjoy each other until we are 100! Well I hope I don't live that long.

So my husband and I are trying to become a two vehicle family. We are saddened at the necessity of it but having four kids does that to you. I need a new van by September. Otherwise my schedule will be absolutely insanely busy. I guess I could make my hubby walk too and from work each day. He would do that for me. But the other problem is our brand new car looks like a garbage dump. It has a black interior and who knew that would show each crumb, each speck of dirt. Maybe someone will win the lottery and buy us a new van, a new used van. Thats about as likely as someone buying us a new house. Jai does have quite a few relatives who could keal over any time now and leave him quite enough for one of those events to take place. It will be all my relatives who go first because none of them have pot to pee in. SO I will just pray that I will find a cheap van and continue to check craigslist each day. Thank goodness I don't pay for internet!

So my husband and I have had a tough week. AN old pornography addiction he has had since he was a teen has reared its ugly head. Knowing what to do is always a challenge for me. But I have come to a good point. I have had an issue with trusting him since 6 years ago when I really found out about it. It wasn't the pornography that ripped us apart it was the lying about it that killed me. So for the last 6 years I have lived in this state of disbelief of him. Poor guy. I Have realized this struggle isn't between he and I its between he and God. He is not letting me down he is letting His Saviour down. Christ trusts him and therefore I need too. There is just no point in living in our past sin. We need to grow and move on.
Then we found out some friends are separated. I never really liked the wife, I think I wrote about her in a previous blog but that doesn't mean I ever wanted something like that for them. Its so very sad. I haven't talked to him yet but I am so curious to know how things get that bad. It makes me so thankful for my husband. We have our issues but he is always willing to sit and talk through it. We always make it better. Sure we fight and drive each other crazy at times but we are best friends. I think it helps that we love spending time with each other. Also that we have kids, it just teaches you not to be selfish. You just don't have time with four kids.
I thank the LORD for my family. My Jai, my Ry, my Elle, my Noamy, and my kayde! Man do I love them! I am blessed!

How come I cannot get a picture to come up? Anyone know why its not working?
Question #2 Does anyone have a sister who is crazy? I do and sometimes man oh man.

Errr...I am so grumpy! Why do I get like this every spring? I am unhappy with my life. well mostly my husband. Not unhappy just a little sick of him. Like why do I have to spend all my time with this person. I always get restless this time of year. Maybe no really I have no idea what it is.