Errr...I am so grumpy! Why do I get like this every spring? I am unhappy with my life. well mostly my husband. Not unhappy just a little sick of him. Like why do I have to spend all my time with this person. I always get restless this time of year. Maybe no really I have no idea what it is.

Okay so we have this stinking huge crack in the front window of our car. We call the insurance company and we have to pay a $200 deductible to have it fixed. Was this crack in any shape way or form my fault? Then last week someone takes a crowbar and tries to break in to the side door. Someone scares them and all they leave is a huge basketball sized dent and a lot of chipped paint. So we call the insurance company, yes that will be a $300 deductible. Oh yeah thats right I ddid that damage and I was the one who if I had of got in and busted the ignition would not have to pay the deductible, boy am I tempted! Then I am driving the other day and I got hit by someone. I will admit it was partly my fault I made a stupid mistake but because I was entering her lane the insurance company calls me at fault. So thats right you guessed it another $300 deductible. Oh I love my car right now. I wish it was an old junker so I could just leave it and it wouldn't matter. Its only money right? I don't however feel very protected.

Oh its Valentine's Day. My husband had to work both jobs today so we won't be having any romance today. Instead he got to spend all day with the cuties at his work and now he is teaching little cuties how to play drums. I guess I am lucky because I got to spend all day with my babies. They are so cute, although today they were a bit of a mess. Anyway back to the cuties at my husbands work. He works as a server at a restaurant. They are all very good looking. He comes home and tells me I am better looking than any of them. Which part of me is better my boobs that sag or my beautiful stretch marks from having four kids, one of which weighed in at almost 12 pounds at birth? It almost makes me more nervous when he says that. Then again I don't know if I actually want to hear him admit that one of them is good looking. Men are so physically driven I would find that hard to hear I think. Every day when he is leaving for work I give him the best kiss that I know how, hopefully it will help him want to come home at night. Dr Phil says you always have to make them want to come home, so I try not to wear sweats and always try to brush my hair before he leaves. This can be a real challenge when you homeschool the kids. I love him with my whole heart and just pray that he will never go down that path. But I know God doesn't give us things we can't handle, so I would make it. It reminds me of that Helen Ready song, "I am Woman hear mr roar."

I wish I had an audience, well sometimes. I think only my husband would appreciate what I have to say. Instead all my thoughts are getting lost in cyberspace. Just drifting around waiting to land on somebody's computer. I can just picture this black abyss with words floating around. It is probably safer that way. I have more freedom to say what I want. I don't think anyone could ever find my blog anyway. No one I know is that internet savvy, that I know of. I wonder how people get their blogs out there? I guess giving it out to people they know. Anyway I feel safe right now. Not that I have any big secrets. There is that commercial out there that says "everyone has something to hide." I often think about what is my secret? I think the biggest thing is that I hide the fact that I am very insecure. Sometimes though I wish I hid it better, I want to exude confidence. I should have a lot of confidence because I am so blessed. I have everything I have ever desired. Four beautiful children and an amazing husband. It is definitely something I need to work on. I wish I could know others secrets, well maybe my husbands. I would like to know if he has any. Maybe I don't though, some things are best left hidden. Anyway...

Well my husband as usual is being amazing. He is learning as am I how to deal with his parents. Slowly but surely this is an issue we will both resolve together. I love my Jason!